Conversation with Greg, proprietor of the Complete Care Emporium, which sells mobility and household aids to the elderly.

Boris? He’s an idiot.* If you ask me, herd immunity’s definitely the way to go.* Just let it spread among the fit and healthy and we’ll be fine.*

Gives middle-aged cough, pats beer belly.

No, the fact that herd immunity’s only ever been achieved with a vaccine (polio, measles, mumps) clearly hasn’t entered my head. It’s not as if other coronaviruses — say the common cold — keep going round and round every year, is it?

You’re right, I haven’t bothered to read up on the science. But let me tell you how much I enjoy going to the pub every Friday night* and how the first lockdown cramped my style.

The elderly? Well, you just need to shield them* and get on with it*, don’t you?

Shop door chimes and two ancient people dodder in*

Back in a tick. I just need to serve these at-risk customers who form the bulk of my clientele.

*Verbatim from actual conversation. 
Proprietor & shop name changed.