Club statement, 17 June 2020 —

We can confirm that Sunderton United is leaving the Premier League at the end of this season to compete as a sovereign club on the global stage. The decision will enable us to take back control by dispensing with undesirable rules and red tape (especially VAR).

We are in the process of securing top-flight international fixtures in the emerging American and Asian markets. Expert negotiator Les Truss has already initiated talks on our behalf, and we anticipate a number of highly lucrative deals by the beginning of next season.

Supporters have voiced concerns about the speed of our departure and the loss of millions of pounds in revenue at this exceptionally turbulent time. We are confident, however, that a “clean Prexit” will open a glorious new chapter in Sunderton United’s history.

We will of course ensure, in as yet unspecified ways, that our supporters continue to enjoy an unrivalled footballing experience.