Dr. Finkelstein: So how are we feeling this week?

UK government: *stretches out on couch*  Pissed off. We’re constantly being blamed for stuff that’s other people’s fault.

Dr. Finkelstein: Can you give me an example?

UK government: Well, if scientists hadn’t given us the wrong advice¹ we’d have totally aced Covid, and if NHS staff hadn’t overused PPE² there would have been no shortages, and if the labs hadn’t screwed up³ we’d have met our testing targets, and if Apple hadn’t been unreasonable⁴ our tracing app would have been a triumph, and if care homes had followed procedures⁵ then Great Uncle Ernie would still be alive, and if teachers in state schools hadn’t inflated predictions⁶ then there would have been no A-level fiasco.

Dr. Finkelstein: Erm… remember how we discussed taking responsibility for our actions?

UK government: *stony silence*

Dr. Finkelstein (sotto voce): This is the worst case of BSE⁷ I have ever seen.

1 Thérèse Coffey, 19 May 
2 Matt Hancock, 10 April
3 Downing Street, 10 May
4 Matt Hancock, 18 June
5 Boris Johnson, 6 July
6 Gavin Williamson, 13 August
7 Blame Someone Else