Dr. Finkelstein: So how are we feeling this week?
UK government: *stretches out on couch* Pissed off. We’re constantly being blamed for stuff that’s other people’s fault.
Dr. Finkelstein: Can you give me an example?
UK government: Well, if scientists hadn’t given us the wrong advice1 we’d have totally aced Covid, and if NHS staff hadn’t overused PPE2 there would have been no shortages, and if the labs hadn’t screwed up3 we’d have met our testing targets, and if Apple hadn’t been unreasonable4 our tracing app would have been a triumph, and if care homes had followed procedures5 then Great Uncle Ernie would still be alive, and if teachers in state schools hadn’t inflated predictions6 then there would have been no A-level fiasco.
Dr. Finkelstein: Erm… remember how we discussed taking responsibility for our actions?
UK government: *stony silence*
Dr. Finkelstein (sotto voce): This is the worst case of BSE7 I have ever seen.
1 Thérèse Coffey, 19 May 2 Matt Hancock, 10 April 3 Downing Street, 10 May 4 Matt Hancock, 18 June 5 Boris Johnson, 6 July 6 Gavin Williamson, 13 August 7 Blame Someone Else