Double Whammy

29 June 2020. About tea time. Jeffries rushes into the Prime Minister’s office.

Jeffries: I’m glad I caught you before tennis, sir. I’ve got Michel Barnier on the line — he says he’s still happy to extend the Brexit talks. Deadline’s tomorrow.

PM: Tell him to f*ck off.

Jeffries: Sir… Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland are all calling for an extension. They’re really struggling with the fallout from Covid.

PM: Tell them to f*ck off.

Jeffries: Sir, the pandemic means our GDP’s likely to drop by 11.5% this year. Are you sure a January exit is wise? Perhaps extending might be a g—

PM: Nope. Non. Nyet.

Jeffries: But sir, how will businesses survive the double whammy of Covid and Brexit? It’s like chucking dynamite into a burning house!

PM: Just tell them all to…

Jeffries (wearily): …f*ck off, sir?

PM: Exactly. Now fetch me my racket, there’s a good chap.

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