Deloitte recruiter to job applicant:

DR: Congratulations! You’ve got the job.

JA: That’s amazing! Thank you so much!

DR: One small clarification. When I say ‘the job’, I don’t mean the finance position you applied for originally. That’s gone. But we do have some vacancies in our Lighthouse labs.

JA: But… Don’t they process Covid tests? What’s that got to do with accountancy?

DR *brightly*: Well, we’re making shedloads of money from fat cat government contracts, with the promise of plenty more to come.

JA: No, I mean why am I, a qualified accountant, being offered a job in a lab?

DR: There’s a bit of a backlog.

JA: But I wouldn’t know what to do!

DR: You’re really being far too modest. *Looks at notes*. It says here you’ve got Biology GCSE Grade D. If anything you’re over-qualified for this shambolic, outsourced mess. Welcome to Deloitte!