Dear Nigel,

Even as a small boy, I wanted to work in radio. Unfortunately for me, I ended up in the production team for your LBC show. That means I’ve had to listen to you drone on for six hours a week over the past three years; one of Dante’s inner circles of hell.

I’d like to say I’m sorry you were axed by the station today, but that would be a lie. I’m actually delighted, as are the twenty-eight colleagues with whom I had a celebratory Zoom call after the news broke. We cracked open some Belgian beer and recalled your 2017 promise to LBC listeners: that if Brexit was a disaster, you’d “go and live abroad”. Please know that we’ll happily see you off when you set sail from Dover to the Fox News studios. We’ll even put up some bunting and wave tiny Union Jacks.

Yours,

Gary

and pretty much everyone else at LBC